What does "talking about politics without talking about politics" really mean?

It's both easier and harder than it sounds. Here are my thoughts on toxic masculinity.

For a while now, just as I talk about creating a media or information ecosystem, I’ve mentioned talking about politics without talking about politics. But even I didn’t really know what I meant by that. I had a vague sense of bringing more culture (popular and otherwise) into the way we talk. But that’s not it, or that’s not it entirely.

So today I want to talk about toxic masculinity, but not only that, tie it back to talking about politics without talking about politics per se. When we talk about toxic masculinity, or the crisis of belonging, or the value of diversity, we’re talking about OUR VALUES. And values are tied inextricably with our politics, since politics at its best is, in the words of Pete Buttigieg, “soulcraft.” Politics should be about putting our values into practice on a large scale, benefitting the largest number of people.

I’ll soon be talking to Dr. Craig Johnson, the author of the forthcoming book How To Talk to Your Son About Fascism, and releasing the conversation as the next Freedom Over Fascism podcast.

As I’m prepping for this conversation, I’m also inhabiting my mom-ness, a woman raising a teenage boy who is quickly (very quickly) growing to manhood in this broken country and damaged society we live in. As I think about others raising men in this society, I ask myself what are our society’s values, expectations, roles, and requirements of being a man?

I deeply question the gender binary that is driving the Trump regime to it’s malignant anti-trans and misogynistic policies. So the idea of “masculinity” is itself an outdated concept in my mind. I’m much more interested in human-ing….how do all of us show up in the world, to each other, to ourselves. In fact, I teach a leadership course based in the idea of bringing our human-ness to our workplace and our leadership.

So out of the gate, I reject the question of what is “masculine” and what is “feminine.” But I can certainly talk about toxic masculinity and the danger it poses to our entire society.

Everybody’s favorite VP, JD Vance, has identified masculinity as being able to joke around. Really? Here’s what

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

has to say about this.

Here’s Kareem:

Vance says the essence of masculinity, to him, is about telling jokes. Two points about that. First, why would he make this statement unless he thinks that male jokes are under attack?

Vance is unable to distinguish between masculinity—traits that may be genetic and/or socially reinforced behavior—and toxic masculinity—behavior that is detrimental to both men and others around them, but is usually excused as “boys being boys.”

As Kareem astutely notes, men are not under attack. White cisgender, Christian men are still at the apex of all of our power structures: Politically—Trump, Musk, and other Regime leaders; Economically—the Broligarchs; Religion — Christian Nationalist leaders. So why pretend that masculinity is under attack? Because, of course, as male supremacy is questioned, (some) men dig in their heels to cling to power.

Now, back to the question of toxic masculinity. It’s often defined as having three main components: toughness, anti-femininity, and power. But these components don’t reflect toxic masculinity in a vacuum, they also represent the far right promises to boys as they become radicalized toward fascism.

When SOME boys are told that “real men” are strong, aggressive, and emotionally hardened, the stage is set. If they’re in pain, they’re told to suck it up, toughen up, ignore that pain. They’re also taught that any emotion but anger is feminine, and therefore expressing such emotion is not what “real men” do. The adult men in their life might reinforce these ideas by teaching them “boys don’t cry,” or “don’t be a pussy” or “boys will be boys.” Toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in misogyny, and homophobia (which itself is rooted in misogyny). It encourages boys and men to dominate women and view aggression as not only acceptable, but valued behavior. It imagines manhood as defined by violence, sex, status, and refusal to seek help.

This idea of masculinity is found not only in society’s fringes, but right at it’s center. It defines men’s sports and reinforces masculine hegemony in our society. As women gain influence, queer people gain agency and equality, and other marginalized groups make progress toward inclusion, white men feel the loss of their status at the top of the heap. The extreme right wing welcomes young men who feel powerless by promising them a position at the top of the social hierarchy, encouraging them to disparage women, queer people, people of color, immigrants and so on.

And when people holding political power express their own toxic masculinity, it encourages (particularly) white men to believe that if they emulate this behavior, they too will achieve societal power simply because of their status as white men. Some examples of this expression include “just grab them by the pussy,” “locker room talk,” and calling people the f-word as a pejorative to demean anyone they want to dominate.

Obviously, toxic masculinity encompasses much more than what I’ve written here. There are books and more books talking about it, we can look for it everywhere: men’s professional sports, White Christian Nationalist politics, and high schools across the country.

And it even finds its way into the language of people we like, respect, and listen to when they discuss strength as people having balls, or depriving someone of power as emasculating them, or even celebrating courage as having cajones. I call this out too, because it doesn’t take male genitalia to exhibit strength, bravery, and resolve.

When we talk about toxic masculinity, call it out, break it down, discuss its role as one response to the crisis of belonging in this country, we talk about our values. We should avoid the terminology, since the Right Wing sucks words of their meaning: see Woke, DEI, CRT, socialism, radical left, etc.

The more we talk about treating others with respect, with inclusion, with empathy, compassion, and leading with love, and human-ing well, the more we communicate our values. Which is talking about politics without talking about politics.